My first piece of lawn … or how we unfucked our balcony

Spring has arrived in Melbourne – at least officially, the weather tends to disagree from time to time, but we have the occasional sunny day that lifts the mood. Being my parents’ son, spring means I get restless and look for projects to do around the garden. The only problem is, that we don’t have a garden and the nearby parks don’t qualify for personal projects.

The closest we come to a garden is our balcony, which suffered quite a bit throughout winter. We’ve never really taken care of our “outdoor area” since arriving and slowly clutter accumulated. But yesterday the day finally arrived where we put an end to this madness and unfucked our balcony.

The balcony has been on my  to-do list throughout all winter and fuelled my anticipation of spring. I diligently did my research on balcony ideas online (I’ve already written here, how gender stereotypes seem to have reverted in our relationship) and Saturday seemed to be the day. It was forecasted as a 26º sunny day and we set ourselves up to get to our local Bunnings with the first rays of sunshine to get stuff done. Unfortunately, a Melbournian weather forecast is as unreliable as German customer service. And so instead of slip, slop, slapping we faced a cloudy morning with a stiff breeze. If for nothing else, it was perfect for the before-the-makeover photos (thanks Philly for reminding).

I’m always impressed that Bunnings looks, works and feels exactly like DIY markets in Germany. No cultural differences whatsoever. Large aisles filled with very specific stuff that nobody fully understands but the well-trained and friendly personnel, whose knowledge of tools and crafts always amazes me. The only difference to a German Hagebaumarkt or Hornbach is the sausage sizzle in front of the shop. Great concept and … of course I can have a sausage at 8:30 in the morning. Love it.

However, Melbournian weather is not only unpredictable, but also very variable throughout the day. 80s/90s pop rock bank Crowded House even wrote a song “Four Seasons in One Day” about Melbourne’s weather schizophrenia. So after the sunshine finally came out, we started uncluttering the balcony and throwing stuff away that should have never made it’s way from Germany to Australia. We gave the floor a good scrub, liberated furniture from spider webs and cleaned the barbecue grill (of course, I protected the barbie from winter’s adversities with a good grease coat, which translates to “I’ve been too lazy in April to clean it and now had to spend 30 minutes of scrubbing and cursing”).

Harriet planted herbs, revived some plants that barely made it through winter and I laid out the lawn. The lawn is not big, it’s not real, but it’s mine. My very first piece of garden. By no means will I ever be able to yell “get off my lawn” (by the way: good Wikipedia entry), but it adds a nice splash of colour to the balcony.

Overall, there is nothing like a spring cleaning project to get your spirit up. The combination of creative destruction, uncluttering and creating something new is such an uplifting experience. We finished the day perfectly pleased in proper stlye with the first barbie of the season. We’re ready, let the summer begin.