The Doomed Present – the Alternative List

It can be difficult to find presents for Michael, but this year, I felt like I was onto a good thing. Our friend Lucy had recently visited San Fransisco and explained about a list (*alarm bells* Michael likes lists), which her local friends made with the top 100 things to do in San Fransisco. I thought that could transfer quite nicely to Melbourne.  So I sent this email to a bunch of friends on April 30, hoping to elicit excellent ideas for my list:

Hi,

Michael’s birthday is coming upon May 25th and I’m hoping you’ll help me with a gift…
I want to make him a book of “Top Things To Do In And Around Melbourne” and I would love your contributions :)

Please send me your top 5 things to do (10 if you’re ambitious), in either English or German. And as I have learnt from teaching 5 year olds, the best writing is always accompanied by a picture. Thus please attach a photo, hand drawn picture or use your mad MS Paint skillz. The more personalised the recommendation and picture, the better.

I will collate the pages and make a book to present him at his party on the 25th. You’re invited.. Michael will be in touch soon.

Please send me your contributions by Saturday May 11.

Thanks in advance!

Ideas and pictures started flooding into my email inbox, but then, this email came in from Michael on May 5:

Dear Philli, dear Lucy,

having been very inspired by Lucy’s story of the 100 things to do in San Francisco, I’d like to compile a list of 111 things to do in Melbourne (knowing that Melbourne is at least 11% better than San
Francisco). I not only want to compile the list, but I’d like to do
every single item on that list.

And this is where I need your help: What should I include on the list?

Where is the best high tea? What cinema has the best seats? Where do I
get the best Italian/ Greek/ Oriental/ transcendental/ … food? Which
cinema has the best seats? Which rooftop bar combines the best
cocktails with the best views? Which spa takes best care of its
customers? Where do you have the most breath-taking view over the
city? Which place has the best coffee? Which market has the loudest
sales people? Which café hosts the most colorful people? Which is the
best route to jog along? Where can you experience the best sunset?
Where the best sunrise? Which is the book shop that give the best
advice and has the most interesting selection? Which venue has the
most legendary concerts? Which theatre has the most heart warming
plays? Which dance floor shows its guests the best time? Where did you
have the most fun in Melbourne? …

You get the idea. I’m looking for an epic list of amazing Melbournian
experiences and I want to do all of them. And I’d like a list, that is
personal and not hastily compiled by an editor under a tight deadline.

I will send this request to a couple of people who I got to know in
the last four months. If you know anybody, who might contribute to the
list, please don’t be shy, forward the email and ask for the favor to
contribute to the list. Sharing is caring.

Please chime in and I will keep you in the loop on how the list
develops and how I progress on ticking off item by item.

Have a fun remaining weekend
Michael

My response:

He is stealing his own birthday present idea away. GAAAA.

Lucy:

Gaaa indeed! What are you going to do now?!!

Continue on!  Please ignore his request or say you’ll write them soon?

I think he has written to nearly everyone I wrote.  He is so efficient it is irritating.

I got cc:ed on more of Michael’s emails, and he sent them to more and more people who I had already emailed.  When he emailed Rob, I got this response:

Either you are completely on the money or Michael knows what you are doing for his birthday.

I replied:

He is being a fuckin pain emailing pretty much everyone I did.  Ga!  But I am on the money,  he doesn’t know.

Can you fob him off!?

A week later my frustration overflowed:

The whole thing is going off the rails. Michael has spent the last few days compiling a master list that he will start on his birthday, it includes sky diving and kite surfing and he plans to complete it in 1 year. Philly was trying to discourage him (in order for my present to work) and he got really personally upset. Man.

I have decided to try to do it as a scrapbook and not a photo book so that we can add to it / mould it to his list. Hate arts and crafts.

In the end, I finished the birthday present, but with only 76 things to do.

Thanks to everyone for their great contributions and avoiding Michael’s persistent pestering.  Hopefully we can continue to build on the Alternative List, which we tackle at a more leisurely pace!